Time To Redefine Haritalika Teej

 Traditionally, it is said that Teej is particularly a women's festival. I have been observing the celebration of this festival since my childhood. During this period, I have experienced a lot of changes. However, the mythology and definition related to Teej remain the same. Mythologically, Teej, also known as Haritalika Teej, is associated with Goddess Parvati. To cut a long story short, Parvati was in deep love with God Shiva, so she wanted him as her husband. For this, she went to a forest and performed penance and fasted for many days. Eventually, her wish was fulfilled. Since then, Hindu women started to fast on the occasion of Teej, praying to Lord Shiva to find a husband like him. This story suits the unmarried girls, so the married women fast for the longevity and prosperity of their husbands. I think we have to test the truth of this story at present.

By definition also Teej is associated with women. It is celebrated in some parts of India and Nepal. The Indian people celebrate the festival in their way, but in the context of Nepal, it should be celebrated for two days - 'Dar day' and 'Teej day.' In the past, Teej was celebrated just like this. The married women used to be invited to their maternal home for a big celebration. It was a time of reunion with their relatives and friends. The women would feel free from the domination of their mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law at the husband's home. They would gather together and eat different kinds of delicious food on the Dar day and they would fast, worship Lord Shiva, sing and dance as a Teej celebration.

Teej songs

Now the time has changed completely, and so has the way Teej is celebrated.  Then why define it in the same way as it was in the old days? When Teej approaches, there come different Teej songs in the market. These songs also reflect the society of the particular time. In my mother's generation, women used to sing sangini to express their feelings. The first commercial song that I heard was 'Teejako rahar ayo bari lai...' from a Nepali movie 'Kanyadan', which was released in 1991. This song explains the condition of Nepali women at that time, such as '...birsera ajalai karkare sasu, amaju nandale dieka aashu...' This song has very little or no implication in today's society. After this song, there came countless Teej songs which express women's sorrows, happiness, freedom, rights, or their empowerment.

 But in most of the songs, only women are highlighted. I wonder why it is so. On the one hand, we talk about gender balance, and on the other, we segregate ourselves in the women's sect on occasions like Teej. The popular singer Durgesh Thapa may also have realised this inequality between men and women, so he wrote and sang a song 'Hami pani nachnu parchha bicha bichama...' five or six years ago. Durgesh has tried to be inclusive through this song, which is a high demand of contemporary society.

The scenario of the Teej celebration has massively changed these days, particularly in the urban and suburban areas. The two-day celebration has been extended to two months. Many people complain about this; I am also on the same page. But nobody can do anything because this change is inevitable, as the condition of women is not the same as in the past years. Earlier, most women were housewives who would always be looking forward to opportunities to come out of the house. Teej would provide them with such an opportunity to go to their maternal home to celebrate the festival. 

On the contrary, these days women are affiliated with one or another institution; some even have their affiliation with multiple institutions. Because of this, a trend has been developed to have the Dar party only one day is not enough. In addition, the women of this age are not dying to visit their maternal home in search of freedom. They have already been free from their in-laws' domination because they either earn their own money by doing one or another sort of job or their husband is in the foreign employment. 

Thinking critically

When it comes to fasting, most of the women these days do not fast as strictly as women used to in the old days, when they used to fast without even drinking water. This cannot be possible these days. Because of different health issues, abstaining from food for an extended period has become risky. Furthermore, the women have become capable of thinking critically, and they do not believe that their one-day fasting brings longevity to their husbands. They simply fast and worship Lord Shiva for the welfare of the family or their mental peace. 

Anybody can do this regardless of being a man or a woman. A lot of men have also started to fast on the  day of Teej. Therefore, it is not a good idea to attach Teej only to women. There must be an equal participation of men and women in Dar parties, Teej fasting, singing or dancing. After all, Durgesh Thapa is right when he sings 'Didi baini matrai nachchhan jaile pani Teejama. Hami pani nachnu parchha bichcha bichchama....' In my opinion, Teej should be redefined as it is a festival of all Hindu people instead of defining it as a festival of women alone. 

(Published in an English Daily The Rising Nepal on Friday, August 21, 2025 ) 

[The pictures on this blog are posted here with permission from their owners or have been gathered from various sources on the Internet. If you are the copyright-holder to any of the photographs herein do not hesitate to contact me. They will be swiftly removed if desired so.]

   

 

Potential Pitfalls Of Grade Skipping

 Particularly in my community, a bizarre trend has developed among the parents. Towards the end of an academic year in schools, especially private ones, there comes parental pressure for grade skipping. When they come to school to collect their children's results, many of them demand that their child be promoted from grade one to grade three or from grade five to grade seven. When asked for reasons, all of them have a typical response, "They are overage," which cannot be true. 

The children's age is just right for the grade where they are promoted by the school. The parents insist that their children can cope with the situation. They even agree to assist their children in studies but unfortunately, most of them will not. 

 When I pass through the school corridor, I overhear them chatting with each other, which brings out the real reason for their intense desire behind their children's grade skipping. It is related to money. According to these parents, it is a waste of money; if they make their children skip a grade, they can save the money of an entire year.  If you are sending your child to a private school for better education, it does not make any sense that you want to save petty money by risking the child's holistic development. 

Adverse effects 

Yes, there is a provision of grade skipping in the education system worldwide; for this, certain criteria should be met. It is sad to say that the insistent parents do not want to hear about all this. It seems that they are unaware of the adverse effects of grade skipping on their children's lives. Some students are gifted, and they show exceptional academic abilities. However, only academic excellence may not be enough to skip a grade. In addition, they must have excellent social skills and emotional development. Such students can cope with the challenges that they encounter at a higher grade level. They are ready to handle the situations at the upper grade. 

Once these students are identified, the principal, teachers, and parents sit together and decide whether to allow the exceptional students to skip a grade. There is no doubt, the academically advanced students can benefit from grade skipping. The available research also shows that grade skipping is in favour of the exceptional learners. For example, James Kulik, who has studied for more than twenty-five years how gifted children fare in schools, says that acceleration makes a huge difference in the academic achievement of bright students.

Unfortunately, this is not the case in the schools of our community. It is only parents who make a decision for their children's grade acceleration and they are not necessarily the gifted ones. The poor children have to pay a huge price for their parents' unwise decision. Therefore, the parents must be aware of the potential drawbacks associated with grade skipping.

First of all, there is a knowledge gap. As students skip a whole year, they cannot relate the content they have already learned in their earlier grade to the content of the new grade because the sequence of the course content will have already been broken down. To make this up, they have to work for extra hours, which obviously will increase their workload in comparison to their peers. Because of this, they may lose interest in their studies forever.  Once brilliant students in the previous grades will turn out to be just average students in most cases. In other words, they may not excel to the fullest in the upper grades. Surely, the parents do not want this.

Another factor to consider is that the grade skippers may face social and emotional challenges. As they need to mix with older students, they may find it uncomfortable and they prefer to be isolated. This develops the feeling of loneliness in them. Sometimes, the grade-skipped students can be the victims of bullying for being younger or different. They become emotionally weak and avoid taking challenging tasks because of the fear of failure. Thirdly, finding themselves unfit in the group of older students, the grade skippers may develop inappropriate behaviour, such as arrogance, tantrums, lying, stealing, kicking, bullying, using swear words and so on.  Gradually, they become uncontrollable, which will become a headache for teachers and parents as well.

Holistic development

Now it is clear that grade skipping is not an option for all students. A handful of children who are exceptional in academic, social and emotional advancement can skip a grade and it will be a blessing for them. In other cases, it is safe to upgrade students according to their age level and grade level. Many educators also agree that keeping a child with their age group is the safest way to go. In her article 'Pros and Cons of Skipping a Grade,' Connie Matthiessen, a San Francisco writer and editor, mentions that one of her coworkers always regretted skipping first grade. So he suggested, "Childhood is short enough as it is. Why hurry kids any more than you need to?"

My dear parents, when you go to your child's school next time with a proposal of grade skipping, please think through all the advantages and disadvantages of your proposal. The school principal and your child's teachers may be more knowledgeable and concerned than you regarding the child's holistic development. So, do not forget to consult with them whether it is a good idea for your son or daughter to skip a grade.  

(Published in an English Daily The Rising Nepal on Friday, August 8, 2025 ) 

[The pictures on this blog are posted here with permission from their owners or have been gathered from various sources on the Internet. If you are the copyright-holder to any of the photographs herein do not hesitate to contact me. They will be swiftly removed if desired so.]