Collective Fight Ends Gender Inequality

 

One of my college students asked me, out of the blue, 'Ma'am, does patriarchy still exist in Nepal?' I thought she was simply curious about the issue, so I responded in a normal tone, 'Yes, of course! You'll find a lot of examples of this if you observe our society closely.' Then she opened up about how she was discriminated against by her employers in her workplace, only based on her gender. Her story made me think about the issues of gender balance or gender equity. Luckily, she is a strong-headed girl, so she fought for her rights and raised her voice high to teach a lesson to those handful of biased people. Unfortunately, not all Nepali women may not have the guts like my student to stand for themselves or speak up when they experience gender differences.

We find gender equity only on paper but in reality, there is still a practice of male chauvinism in most of the cases in Nepal.  Since historically, culturally and socially, Nepal has been a patriarchal society, it seems to be very hard to maintain gender balance. Apart from in some exceptional situations, people have a deep-rooted belief system that men are superior to women in every sphere of life, and this belief will not go away easily. Some examples of discrimination between girls and boys include chhaupadi, dowry system, rape, property rights, domestic roles, gender-based violence, citizenship hurdles, limited political representation, limited economic participation, workplace harassment and many more. 

Constructed differences 

Although the law has protected women's rights, the implementation side has not been working effectively. A research study, conducted by Pranab Dahal, Sunil Kumar Joshi and Katarina Swahnberg in 2022, also confirms gender inequality in Nepal. Their findings suggest that the subjugation of women occurs due to practices based on gender differences, constricted life opportunities, and internalisation of constructed differences among women. They have developed a concept of power-play, which is identified as a cause and consequence of women's subordination and violence. This means that the ultimate power needed to run the Nepali society is still in the hands of men. 

Women have been struggling to share that power for a long time; for this, they have even sacrificed their lives. Yogmaya Neupane (1867 - 1941 AD) is a great example who is considered Nepal's first revolutionary woman. Yogmaya was a spiritual leader and social reformer who ended her life along with 68 of her followers in protest against the social conditions of her time by jumping into the wild floods of the river Arun. Her protest was directed against the social practices that had been highly divided along gender and caste hierarchies. 

Nepali women, at different times, have pushed for changes around them, winning small battles, one at a time but they have not succeeded yet. Currently, there are many women, such as Anuradha Koirala, Bandana Rana, Uma Devi Badi, Durga Sob and others who are working tirelessly in the field of gender equality.

While I was reading an essay by Bonnie Smith-Yackel, I just thought about women in our society. In her narrative essay, 'My Mother Never Worked,' Bonnie, an American author, has depicted her homemaker mother's picture very beautifully. The writer wants to make her readers aware of how a society devalues unpaid household chores and farm work. Her mother, who devoted all her life to taking care of the house, raising her children and doing difficult farm work, was sadly deprived of Social Security benefits. According to federal law, only those workers are entitled to such benefits who have a paid job. 

Although the author tries her best to convince the Social Security officer by saying that her mother worked harder throughout her life than anybody else, so she must have got death benefit, the officer does not budge. Instead, she responds, 'Well, that's right. Your mother didn't work, you know.' This response breaks a reader's heart. In the same vein, another American writer, Sandra Cisneros, has written an essay 'Only Daughter'. In this essay, she has shown how difficult it is to be a daughter in a Mexican family where there are already six sons. Her brothers did not want to play with her in public because she was a girl, so Sandra was isolated throughout her childhood. 

Her father used to believe that she was going to be someone's wife. She recalls how h e thought college was good for girls to find a husband but not to gain knowledge or education. However, Sandra was determined to make her father understand that his daughter is a writer; she worked hard to make him proud but he did not seem to value her. She writes, '...Everything I have ever written has been for him, to win his approval even though I know my father cannot read English words.'

Women's struggles 

I am using these essays to make a point that not only Nepali women are struggling to get recognised but women around the world are also facing the same problem. There are different movements in world history to secure women's rights or gender equality. For instance, the Women's Suffrage Movement (also known as the first-wave feminist movement), second-wave feminism, third-wave and networked feminism. The UN is also working in the same direction.

An Asian Development Bank report highlights that Nepal has taken progressive steps toward greater gender equality throughout the past five decades of planned development. Important legal amendments have been made to strengthen women’s rights in key areas such as citizenship, inheritance, and anti-trafficking. Yet, there is gender-based discrimination in all walks of life. So, we must fight against this problem collectively. Thanks to my student who stood up for herself and fought against gender-based discrimination at her workplace. We need more girls like her who are aware of their rights and capable of taking a stand whenever situations call for. 

(Published in an English Daily The Rising Nepal on Friday, January 9, 2026 ) 

[The pictures on this blog are posted here with permission from their owners or have been gathered from various sources on the Internet. If you are the copyright-holder to any of the photographs herein do not hesitate to contact me. They will be swiftly removed if desired so.]

खोई त कामको सम्मान?

 

 

मलाई कसैले ‘तिमीलाई सबभन्दा मन नपर्ने काम के हो ?’ भनेर सोध्यो भने म तुरुन्त जवाफ दिन्छु, ‘भान्सामा हल्लिने काम !’ मन नपरेर के गर्नु र ? पकाएर खानु त परिहाल्छ । त्यसैले म भान्सामा कमसेकम समय बिताउन चाहन्छु । मलाई पकाउन अल्छी लाग्ने होइन तर भान्सामा गरिने कामको कहिँ कतै लेखाजोखा नगरिने भएकोले मलाई पहिलेदेखि नै भान्सामा समय व्यतीत गर्नुपर्दा वितृष्णा पैदा हुने गर्छ ।

तर बिडम्बना के छ भने मन परोस् या नपरोस् प्रायः सबैजसो घरमा भान्साको जिम्मा लिने भनेको महिलाले नै हो । स्वेच्छाले पुरुष वर्गले सघाउन सक्छन् तर महिलाका लागि यो वाध्यात्मक भएको मैले देखेकी छु र अनुभव पनि गरेकी छु । जो महिला पैसा कमाउन बाहिर निस्कँदैनन्, उनीहरुले त झन् भान्सा मात्र होइन, पुरै घर नै सम्हाल्नुपर्छ । यस्तै घरायसी काम गर्ने महिलालाई मैले, ‘तपाईँ के काम गर्नुहुन्छ ?’ भनेर सोधेँ भने उनको उत्तर हुनेछ, ‘केही गर्दिन । यस्तै घरको काम मात्र हो ।’ यस्तो उत्तर सुनेर म छक्क पर्छु । घरको काम एउटी गृहिणीका लागि पूर्णकालिक काम हुन्छ । कसरी केही गर्दिन भन्न सकेको होला ! यसका पछाडिको कारण पनि उहि हो —समाजले घरायसी कामलाई कामको रुपमा मान्यता नदिनु । जबकि बिहान उठेदेखि राती नसुतुन्जेलसम्म उनीहरु घरकै काममा व्यस्त रहन्छन् । खाना पकाउनु, घर सफा गर्नु, दाउरा पानीको जोहो गर्नु, केटाकेटी सयार्नु, बुढाबुढीको सेवा गर्नु कति हो कति । गनेर नसकिने ।

एकजना बसाइँ सरेर अष्ट्रेलिया गएका भारतीय मूलका ट्याक्सी चालक पुरुष छिमेकीले गफको सिलसिलामा भनेका थिए, ‘अब अर्को महिना म आफ्नो देश जान्छु र बिहा गरेर बेहुली लिएर आउँछु । अनि त मेरो निकै खर्च जोगिन्छ । घरमै खाना पाक्छ । छुट्टिका दिन पनि घरैमा बसेपछि उति साह्रो खर्च हुँदैन।’ यसले के देखाउँछ भनें विदेशमै पढे पनि मानसिकतामा परिवर्तन आइहाल्दैन । ती ट्याक्सी चालक वर्षौंदेखि त्यहाँ बसेपनि महिलालाई उनले सेवककै दृष्टिले हेरेका रहेछन् । एकजना प्रौढावस्थाका चिनारुले भर्खरै मात्र पहिलो श्रीमती बितेको एक वर्ष पनि नबित्दै दोश्रो विवाह गरे । त्यो कुरालाई हुर्किसकेका छोराछोरी र छरछिमेकीले असामान्य रुपमा लिए । तर ती पुरुष भनें घरमा बुढी भएकी आमाको स्याहार गर्ने र घरेलु काम गर्ने मान्छेको खाँचै भएको हुनाले त्यो कदम उठाउनु परेको तर्क गर्दा रहेछन् । ती पुरुषले पनि जहान नभएर सेविका खोजेका रहेछन् । उनको  सट्टामा एउटी महिलाले त्यसो गरेको भए समाजले त्यति सहजै त्यस कुरालाई स्वीकार्ने थिएन होला ।   

यस्तो घरमै मात्र गरिने बेतलवी कामले पनि तलवी कामले जस्तै मान्यता पाउनुपर्छ भन्ने आवाज अहिले विश्वभरि नै उठिरहे पनि यो कार्यान्वयन हुन सकिरहेको छैन । याक्सन एडको एउटा रिपोर्टअनुसार संसारभरिका महिलाले यस्ता बेतलवी काममध्येको ७५ प्रतिशत काम गरिरहेका छन् । दैनिक औसत चार घण्टा पच्चीस मिनेट उनीहरु यस्ता काममा खर्चिन्छन् जुन पुरुषहरुले खर्चिने दैनिक एक घण्टा तेइस मीनेटको तुलनामा तेब्बरभन्दा बढी पर्न आउँछ ।

फेरि आश्चर्य के छ भनें ठूला ठूला होटलहरुमा अथवा पैसा आउने ठाउँमा चाहिँ पुरुषहरु खाना पकाउने काममा, सरसफाइ गर्ने काममा अथवा हेरविचार गर्ने काममा महिलाभन्दा बढी नै सक्रिय भएर लागेका हुन्छन् । घरमा मात्र यस्ता कामको धेरजति भार महिलामाथि परेको हुन्छ । यस्तो किन भन्ने प्रश्न मनमा उठ्नु स्वाभाविक हो ।

बिहान उठेदेखि बेलुका नसुतुन्जेलसम्म पनि एउटी गृहिणीले काम गरिरहेकी हुन्छिन् जबकि बाहिर गएर काम गर्ने मान्छेले बढीमा दिनको आठ घण्टा काम गरे हुन्छ । नेपालको परिप्रेक्ष्यमा ४० प्रतिशत भन्दा बढी महिला बेरोजगार छन् भन्ने तथ्याङ्क छ । यसरी घरायसी काममा व्यस्त हुने महिलालाई काम नै गर्दैनन् भनिदिँदा उनीहरुले आफूले गरिआएको कामलाई हेय दृष्टिले हेर्नु पनि स्वाभाविक देखिन्छ जुन कदापि ठीक होइन । यदि हामीले त्यति नै काम गर्न बाहिरको मान्छे लगाउने हो भने हामीले उसलाई मासिक रुपमा कम्तिमा १५÷२० हजार रुपैँया दिनुपर्ने हुन्छ । तर घरकै मान्छेले गर्ने हुँदा चाहिँ त्यो कामको किन अवमूल्यन भएको होला ? लैङ्गिक विशेषज्ञ तथा सामाजिक अर्थशास्त्री बिना प्रधान घरायसी कामलाई मान्यता दिलाउन राज्यले नै पहल गर्नुपर्ने कुरामा जोड दिन्छिन् । उनका अनुसार फ्रान्समा आफ्ना बाबु आमाको स्याहारसुसार गर्ने छोराछोरीलाई राज्यले नै तलवको व्यवस्था गरेको हुन्छ । खासमा यस्ता बुढाबुढीको हेरचाह गर्ने दायित्व राज्यको भएको हुँदा आफ्नो काम सघाइदिएवापत यी छोराछोरीलाई तलव दिइएको होला । जे भए पनि घरको कामले बाहिरको कामजत्तिकै मान्यता पाउनु निकै नै उत्साहवर्धक कुरा हो । महिलाहरुले खासमा आफूले गरिआएको कामको तलव पनि मागेका होइनन् । उनीहरु आफ्नो कर्तव्य सम्झेर घरको काम तन्मयतापूर्वक गर्छन् । चाहना यत्ति मात्र हो कि, उनीहरुको कामलाई सम्मानपूर्वक हेरियोस्, उनीहरुलाई बेरोजगारको समूहमा नराखियोस् अथवा उनीहरु केहि कामै गर्दैनन् भन्ने मानसिकता नपालियोस् ।

समाजमा देखा परेको लैङ्गिक हिंसा, महिलाप्रति गरिने असमान व्यवहार र महिलाले पनि आफूलाई पुरुषको तुलनामा कमजोर सम्झिने मानसिकतालाई समेत यहि मान्यता नपाएको घरायसी कामसँग जोडेर हेर्न सकिन्छ भन्ने कुरामा विज्ञहरु जोड दिन्छन् ।

घरायसी कामलाई देशको आर्थिक विकाससँग जोडेर हेर्ने गरियो भने यस्ता कामले अरु तलवी कामसरह मान्यता पाउँछन् भन्ने तर्क अर्थविद्हरुको रहेको छ । हामीले समाज जति प्रजातान्त्रिक भयो भने पनि अझै यो पितृसत्तात्मकताबाट माथि उठ्न सकेको छैन । त्यसैले समाजले अथवा राज्यले विशेषगरि महिलासँग सम्बन्धित मुद्दालाई जति गम्भीरतापूर्वक लिनुपर्ने हो, त्यति गम्भीरतापूर्वक लिएको देखिँदैन ।

विशेष गरेर महिलाहरु घरायसी काममा नै बढि संलग्न हुनाले उनीहरु शिक्षाका अथवा रोजगारीका अवसरबाट वन्चित हुनु परिरहेको कुरा पनि विभिन्न अध्ययनले बताउँछन् । यसले के देखाउँछ भने घरको काम महिलाको मात्र हो भन्ने हाम्रो परम्परागत मानसिकतामा व्यापक परिवर्तन आउन जरुरी छ । लिङ्गको आधारमा काम बाँडफाँड गर्नुभन्दा परिवारका सबै सदस्यले घरको काम गर्दा पुरुष महिला दुवैले बाहिर गएर आय आर्जन गर्न सक्छन् भन्ने आवाज विश्वस्तरीय रुपमा उठिरहेको छ । विकसित मुलुकमा यो कुरा लागू भए पनि हाम्रोजस्तो मुलुकमा यो सम्भव भैहाल्नेजस्तो देखिँदैन ।

हामीकहाँ गर्न सकिने पहल भनेको आफ्नो सोचाइमा परिवर्तन ल्याउनु नै हो । परिवारका प्रत्येक सदस्यले घरायसी कामको उचित मूल्याङ्कन गर्न थाल्नु हो भने यस्तो कामसँग जोडिएको नकारात्मक धारणा बिस्तारै बिस्तारै कम भएर जान सक्थ्यो होला । छन त यसपालीको विश्व महिला दिवसको नारामा लैङ्गिक समानताका लागि सबैको नयाँ प्रविधिमा सहज पहुँच भन्ने कुरामा जोड दिइएको छ । तर यस्तो प्रविधिमा पहुँच हुने नेपाली महिलाको संख्या तुलनात्मक रुपमा ज्यादै थोरै छ । त्यसैले हामी सबै कमसेकम यो प्रण गरौँ — अब उप्रान्त घरायसी कामलाई पनि हामी बाहिर गएर गरिने कामलाई जस्तै सम्मानको दृष्टिले हेर्नेछौँ । यस्तो कामको जिम्मेवारी महिला पुरुष दुवैले बराबरी उठाउनेछौँ । घरमा काम गर्ने महिलाले पनि बाहिर काम गर्ने महिलाले जत्तिकै गर्वको अनुभूति गर्न पाउनुपर्छ । सबैलाई महिला दिवसको हार्दिक शुभकामना ।

(Published in a Nepali local daily Purbasandesh, Damak, Jhapa on 3 March 2023)

[ The pictures on this blog are posted here with permission from their owners or have been gathered from various sources on the Internet. If you are the copyright-holder to any of the photographs herein do not hesitate to contact me. They will be swiftly removed if desired so.]  

Reasons To Respect

When I think about women’s role in building a prosperous society, I find it significant. Unfortunately, in the context of Nepal, women still struggle to be recognised. Traditionally they are defined as the “weaker sex” and they are normally dominated due to societal norms. Gender discrimination exists in different forms in all spheres of life. In addition, it can also be seen that it is women who relatively face more physical and social challenges than men to cope with life situations because of which they have to survive a lot of emotional upheavals.

For instance, during their teenage years, girls begin menstruating and thisleads to them having to cope with a lot of psychological and social pressure, particularly in the context of Nepal where menstrual bleeding is regarded impure and girls are ostracised during their period at least for four days.This is one aspect of gender discrimination because boys do not have this sort of restriction.

Another milestone comes into girls’ life when they get married. After marriage they need to quit a lifestyle they have been living so far and go to their husband’s house where they have to learn a completely new way of living. They encounter different circumstances to adjust to, different relationships to develop and maintain, and even different workloads which are very challenging.

Once they start coping with all sorts of changes pregnancy comes their way. It is entirely a woman’s share to carry and give birth to a child. Again it is she who needs to make adjustments. In her job list another job of child care and development will be added.The stage of menopause is also a very difficult stage in women’s life.It usually begins during late 30s and stays until late 50s. During this period women have to face various kinds of physical, psychological and emotional changes.

Even if women go through these challenges, they do not sit back feeling they are inferior to their male counterparts or they are weak. They know how to balance their life or manage emotional turmoils created by bodily hormones or social norms. Accepting these unavoidable realities they try each and everything to excel in the areas where they have abilities. As a result, there are many women in the world whose contribution is remarkable for the betterment of human kind.

So, why do we continue to consider women as being lesser than men? In fact, currently this stereotyped concept has been challenged by different sorts of research findings which justify women are not the weaker sex but the other way around.For example, women have longer life expectancy than men, they are better at multitasking and they can manage pain in a better way. A study says, “From longevity and surviving illness to coping with trauma and managing pain, we investigate the surprising ways in which women really are the stronger sex.”

Whatever situations come their way, women can handle them in a proper manner and move on. They deserve more respect and recognition in society instead of being discriminated with labels like “inferior or weaker sex,” “second class citizen” or “less intellectual people.”

(Published in an English Daily The Rising Nepal on Friday, Jan. 26, 2017 ) 

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Why Reservation?

The other day, one of my male colleagues asked aggressively, “Why do women need reservation everywhere? If you go to bus, there are ladies seats and in politics also there is special consideration for women. I don’t understand, why?” Yes, his question looks genuine; on the one hand we are advocating for gender equality and on the other, talking about reservation for women. These two concepts do not go together.

However, in the context of Nepal where there still exist so many cultural and family barriers for women to come out from their domestic role, women empowerment is as relevant as anything else.

The best platform to commence women empowerment is the education sector because without educating young girls, women empowerment will not be achieved even if there are many other means in practice.

Female teachers can play a key role in encouraging girls’ education. According to many research reports, female teachers are more important than male teachers for improving girls’ ability to go to school, stay in school, and learn effectively there. This is especially true in contexts where traditional gender norms make parents hesitant to send their daughters to school where they have to interact with male teachers.

The importance of female teachers in Nepali community schools was recognised as early as in the 1970s and different programmes were also put in place to increase their number at schools; but the problem was that even if their number increased they were reluctant to go to remote areas. As a result, with time there seemed to be oversupply of female teachers in the schools of urban areas and under-supply of the same in rural areas and this still has not changed much.

In relation to other levels, female teachers are demanded mostly at the primary level. It is believed that they are more loving and caring and they can play the role of a second mother figure in little ones’ lives. Their presence at schools helps children successfully complete their primary education. In addition, they can be role models to many girls.

While in countries like Nepal the argument revolves around increasing female teachers at schools the developed countries have a different issue. For instance, in his article “Male teachers needed in primary grades” Drew M. Mcweeney argues that many households in America are run by single mothers. Because of this the children of such parents lack a positive father figure and role model to whom they can relate.  So, more male teachers are needed particularly at primary grades who can provide the positive role model of a father figure for students who come from single-parent families. It is obvious that the girls from such countries do not necessarily need female teachers to get through their schooling or get empowered because in Western societies, girls and boys are given more equal treatment and educating girls is not a major issue.

Nepali girls may also reach that point one day but before that they must come out from the boundary of preset limitations. For this, female teachers are encouraged at schools so that girls can feel safe and comfortable. Women are being given reservations in politics and other sectors, even in public transportation. Once gender equality is maintained, no woman needs any reservation. At that time my colleague may find another topic to grumble over.

(Published in an English Daily The Rising Nepal on Friday, Dec. 15, 2017 ) 

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What motivates a rapist?

These days sadly  'rape' has been a burning social crime not only in Nepal but in all over the world. Every day there are several news stories related to sexual assault on media. The rape victims range from little girls of 4-5 years to old women even in their 90s. So, basically every female is in the danger zone. No place is safe for them. You never know who will be the victim next.

Usually it is understood that a rapist is motivated by the attraction of a female body to commit the crime. This may be the reason sometimes the victimized girls are blamed for wearing short or sexually appealing clothing to invite the perpetrators. However, considering the victims of all ages it is hard to believe that the sexual attraction is a single motive for the rapists. If it were true sexual attraction then most probably it would lead to mutual understanding instead of one-sided force.

A news story appeared last week in the Nepali newspapers said that a blind girl was raped by the hostel in-charge simply because she refused to study the 'subjects' that the person had suggested. This indicates that the man's motivation was clearly something else, not the sexual attraction.

A recent study on the sexual assault of older women in community and care settings conducted by a group of researchers from La Trobe University, Victoria, Australia shows that sexual assault is a crime more about power and violence rather than about physical attraction. The hostel in-charge and blind girl case above justifies this point.

The idea given by the Indian Prime Minister Narendra Nath Modi to control the crime of rape sounds more convincing than anything else. He said something like 'rape' is not related to females at all, so you do not need to worry about your daughters, let them go where they want to go. In contrast, you must always watch your sons, you must know where they go and what they do. Then only the number of rapists starts to decline. I hope Modi's terminology of 'sons' may include men of all ages, not only young boys otherwise the old farts will get away.      

Identity Crisis

Reading any success story of a woman, especially from a social background like ours where women are deprived of equal rights, can be an inspiration. Not before long, the Gorkhapatra daily published an interview of a struggling woman where she was described as a celebrated figure in the field of literature and music. A number of awards that she bagged during  the course of her endeavor also proved her success. Her achievements were enough to identify the woman but what the interviewer pointed out intentionally about her was, above all, 'she is the wife of a renowned politician.' It seemed as if without her husband's addition, her identification were incomplete.

It is just an example. In reality all Nepali women have been facing identity crisis, both socially and legally. Immediately after a woman gets married, she has to discard her surname, a temporary legacy from her father, and use her husband's but the husband lives his identity from birth to death. She obtains the citizenship, the most authentic identification, only if she can supply her father's or husband's name. It is ridiculous that a mother, who gives birth to children and fulfills the responsibilities of raising them, is regarded unacceptable while acquiring their citizenship certificate. In addition, a husband and a wife are considered 'better half' to each other; so if she needs her husband's name to execute any legal procedure, why doesn't the husband need his wife's name for the same?

Replying to a query, whether she was happy to be identified by her husband, a housewife in a vernacular weekly said," Yes, why not? We are living in such a society where women are not recognized by themselves, for example, a female lecturer is addressed as a 'lecturnee.' So, for a woman like me who is not educated enough and devotes all her time inside a house, it is okay to be known by the husband's name."

Let alone the  ignorant lot, majority of the educated and conscious women have also been facing the same problem. They have spent all their precious years to shape themselves, to make  themselves in the pursuit of their goals but they are reluctant to expose their potential, instead they feel proud to be recognized by their husband, they always prefer to be shadows of their male counterpart. 

However, as a good sign, there are some women, who are successful to establish their identity through their own effort. In general, Nepali women are suffering from identity crisis. It is high time that  every woman must realize her own self-interest; before being a wife of someone else she is an independent individual, so she must know who she is, what she can contribute to  the society and feel proud of herself for being herself not someone's wife. 

(Published in an English Daily The Rising Nepal on Friday, April 14, 2006)

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Soap Opera Fails to Do Justice

If you ask the viewers of Nepal Television which programme they like the most, you may get a quick reply from the majority of people - 'Tito Satya' (Bitter Reality). Doubtlessly the humour and satire soap opera has been able to win many people's heart, but this widely watched TV drama has not done a complete justice to its female characters and has undermined the feelings of the female viewers.

The main female character in 'Tito Satya,' Deepa Shree Niraula as Deepa, is presented as a beautiful woman from a middle class family. She looks modern and resides in Kathmandu, the capital city of Nepal, but the problem with her is that she is entirely dependent on her husband. She is extremely conscious about her beauty: she wears attractive modern clothes, applies full make-up and highlights her hair. I wonder how can't a woman like Deepa be equally aware of being independent and think of earning herself to fulfill her demands as well as to support the family? She is there simply to serve her husband water, tea or three times meal. Her dependence leads Deepak, her husband, to a suspicion that if she robs his money. Poor Deepa cannot do anything except for stepping back and throwing angry looks along with some defensive words.

Whether she is Deepa, Bijuli or Sweetie, they are portrayed as a commodity. Any man can consider her as his possession. Sweetie is a 'thing' to be possessed by all lecherous male staff in her office. They are free to flirt with her any time they like. They can take her for a date, although they all are married men. Sweetie is merely a 'time pass' for them. What is unconvincing is that she does not have any objection whatever those cunning men do with her. Similarly, neither Suku shows any gentlemanly decency while pampering Deepa in Deepak's absence; nor Deepak misses a chance to approach Bijuli, Suku's wife in the soap opera with his unfair intentions when Suku is not around.

Are these women that much idiot that they do not know about such silly men's vulgar intentions? Why can't they warn or oppose them? After all, they are not deaf, dumb, blind or brainless objects.

There is also a big question mark in the relationship between neighbours. In our society the neighbourly bond  is considered to be the strongest one. Usually no man should throw his dirty looks towards his neighbour's wife, especially when the neighbour is out of the house.

One of the objectives of such TV shows is to raise awareness among general public on different issues. Sadly, Tito Satya is unable to present its female characters in powerful roles. As a result, it fails to inspire women or to strengthen the concept of women empowerment - currently a burning issue. They are revealed as stereotyped traditional women. They are less powerful and less witty than their male counterparts. They are presented as narrow-minded, superstitious, jealous, weak and suspicious lot. They have to tolerate all the foolish activities done by the men, and pathetically they cannot raise a voice for their existence.

In reality, the situation of women has been  improved much in comparison to the past days. They have started to explore their identity and existence in the society. They do not like to waste their time staying idly at home. They have understood the importance of self-earning. They have proved themselves as wise, competent or strong as men.

Therefore, the main reason for depicting women as having less significant roles may lie in the deeply injected male chauvinism of the director cum story writer of Tito satya, Deepak Raj Giri. He may not want to see a woman at the same level as of a man, but what would he do if all female viewers started to switch into some other channels where women are presented as an agent of social change?

(Published in an English Daily The Rising Nepal on Sunday, February 12, 2006)  

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Visibly Invisible

Recently, I read an article about how white people negate the existence of blacks in the western world. In the story, there was a scuffle between a white and a black boy. The scuffle took place after the white boy pushed the black boy while walking in a subway. Although the white boy said "sorry," the black boy was not ready to forgive him, as he believed that the pushing was deliberate. The white guy remarked that the black boy was "invisible" to him. The writer ended the story with a comment, "Blacks are always invisible to the Whites" (No offence, please. The writer had himself used the term"black").

The writer's punch upon the word 'invisible' gripped my whole attention. I was really spellbound by the depth of meaning that was contained within a single word. I tried to relate my situation to that of the coloured boy. I found plenty of similarities between the situation of the coloured people and the females in our society, who have remained invisible since ages.

Some days back, there was a teachers' meeting in our college. The opening speech of the principal was something like, "All sirs should be aware of why we are gathered here today..." I was not happy with the address "sirs." I honestly felt that he was undermining the presence of the female staff who also had willingly sacrificed their beautiful Saturday morning to attend the meeting. Not finding me very much comfortable with his speech, the principal tried to correct himself, "I'm using the term sirs as a common term for both male and female teachers..." At this point, it was impossible to digest his bullshit. So, I retorted back, "Excuse me, but I don't agree with you, sir. It is rather teacher and not sir that is a common word." However, he, being a man molded in deep-rooted convictions did not seem to be convinced at all. How dared I question his belief system! Throughout the meeting he continued to use the same expression "sirs" to collectively address the teachers.

The truth is not only our principal but a good many male staff use what they call a 'common expression' for both males and females. Very often, a male teacher enters the staff room and greets, "Sabai sir harulai namaskar chha hai," (Greetings to all sirs). For them, the female teachers are completely invisible. In contrast, a female teacher never greets her male colleagues in this manner. Instead, she is careful enough to distinguish 'sirs' from 'madams' in her greeting.

It is true that the number of women is less than that of men in every sector, such as education, politics, law, medicine and so on. This could be one of the reasons why women go unnoticed and their voice is unheard. Our cultural malpractice that considers women inferior to men could be another reason for such gender discrimination. If these practices continue, the male folk would feel hard to accept the equal existence of females, even at the workplace.

(Published in an English Daily The Kathmandu Post on Wednesday, June 15, 2005)



Letter to the Editor (17 June): 
Invisible artists: 
Thanks to the article titled 'Visibly Invisible' (June 15) that reveals how women are discriminated in the workplace by the educated 'sirs,' the male workers. Women are discriminated against not only at workplaces, but also in every sector of Nepali society. For instance, the 10th Five Year Plan of the government has accepted a mere 8% participation of women in civil service, 10% in land ownership, 5% in house ownership and a whooping 60% in agricultural production.

Don't these figures reflect the precarious situation of females in our society? On top of this, women have always been devoid of active participation in society. They are victims of violence and discrimination at all levels ranging from family to state.

Strong patriarchal values, gender-specific roles and religious superstition have reinforced stereotypes about women's role in our society. Women are victims of the most heinous crimes including polygamy, domestic violence, rape, child marriage, witch-hunting, trafficking of women etc.

It seems to me that the discrimination against women at the workplace is just a tip of the iceberg. The country needs more women activists and writers like Byanjana Sharma so that woman could also have an equal place in our society.

Kedar P Badu
Gongabu, Kathmandu

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Injustice Justified

It was a huge gathering of our family members to celebrate the engagement ceremony of one of my nieces. There were more than hundred people clad in formal dress. Not to talk about the kids who were frolicking around oblivious of all oddities. The males seemed to be more relaxed. They were enjoying the preceding moments of the party in every possible way - sipping tea, chatting, joking and laughing care-freely, while the women were busy preparing food in the kitchen.

They were peeling boiled potatoes, chopping vegetables, boiling water, making tea, cooking delicious dishes and many more. On the other hand, all the men were gathered in the drawing room gossiping and ordering tea every now and then. "Is this gender equality?," I wondered as I closely observed this scenario.

I do not mind working. What bothers me is why the kitchen work is basically confined to women? Can't men extend their helping hands in cooking or washing if they advocate for gender equality? At this particular juncture, I suddenly realized that we, females, have not become equal to our male counterparts in certain aspects yet. Men are still playing a superior role. The most unbearable part of that day was when the male folks got tired of talking, they started popping into the kitchen one by one and demanded, "If anything prepared yet? Oh, it's too late. I'm very hungry..." The women were supposed to get the dining table ready at once and feed the men. It did not matter whether the women were also equally hungry because our social norm does not allow females to precede males in eating.

We are so culture-bound that we cannot dare to challenge the age-old customs promptly. We have accepted male chauvinism willingly or unwillingly. If not, why even in an educated family circle like ours where many daughters-in-law are college graduates, no one can raise a voice against such an unjustifiable cultural practice? After all, nobody wants to be an odd-person-out.

I remember, many years ago there was a debate among the concerned people that the teaching content included in primary level textbooks were gender-biased. The texts limited the role of females only to household chores whereas males were exposed as office-goers and sole breadwinners of the family. The people used to argue that such textbooks which were promoting gender disparity in the society, must be changed.

I wondered what today's children learn about their parents' role in a family. Curiously, I flipped through my one-grader son's textbooks. I was shocked by what I saw in them. Some content, "...My mother works at home, she cooks food for us...and my father works in an office, he is an officer...." This means the role of a mother has not changed over the years!

It can be said that our traditional belief of women as housewives has not been changed. Although some voices on gender equality are being raised, women are still regarded as synonymous of household work. In reality, women have also started to work outside and earn money, but men have not started to share the household responsibilities.

It is high time to redefine the role of men and women for they can easily exchange their roles. If a mother can go to office, why cannot a father cook food for children?

(Published in an English Daily The Kathmandu Post on Monday, May 23, 2005)

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