The Parental Gift

Everyone wants their child to be brilliant and excellent when it comes to academic performance. We want our child to be well mannered, disciplined and brighter than other children we know and to achieve this goal we spend a lot of time and money. However, we rarely think about their interests and as a result, want them to engross in their studies during all their waking hours.

Do we as adults work from the moment we wake up till the moment our head hits the pillow every single day? No, we most certainly do not. We go to our designated workplace and work for a specified number of hours. When we get home, we crave rest and relaxation. We want to lie down on the couch and pass the hours doing something that gives us pleasure. At the same time we badger our kids about their homework.

The children spend at least six hours in school; they work hard to learn something new every minute. As soon as they come home, we want them to finish their homework and the next morning, the cycle begins again. Aside from the workload given by schools and study pressure created by parents, some children also have to attend private tuition classes on top of everything else. Fair enough, our intentions are good but have we ever thought about what our children are going through? The unnecessary pressure on studies that we put on children might backfire and they might become victims of psychological problems.

One of my friends who has been working as a lecturer sends her six year old daughter to attend tuition classes early in the morning and the little one has to eat in a hurry to catch the school bus before 9.00 AM. Once the girl is back she has to bury her head in books for hours to finish all her homework. After putting them under such pressure, we then boast about the progress made by our children. Basically we measure their academic ability as their only strength. However, academic results themselves do not ensure a successful life, and too much focus on them can inhibit social development and confidence. I wonder why we pay such hefty fees to schools if we have to hire a private tutor for our children. If schools cannot teach students properly and if children cannot do their homework given by schools we need to rethink what the schools are doing to our children.

Putting too much pressure on children to succeed might be counter-productive and they can feel less inspired and more threatened. Parents usually do not realize how they are killing their children's childhood for the price of their own happiness by relating children's academic progress to every other aspect of their lives.

Research studies indicate that unnecessary academic pressure to be successful might haunt children. They’ll be terrified of not doing well and as a result, they will not actually learn and succeed like they otherwise would. If your child feels inadequate due to not achieving a certain grade, let them know that you are there for them and that a grade does not determine whether or not they are a good person. Let the children be children and let them grow at their own pace. As parents you can support them by providing them with a suitable environment so that their growth will not be obstructed.

(Published in an English Daily The Rising Nepal on Friday, Dec. 8, 2017 ) 

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